August 17, 2016 – I got my first tattoo (be we;rd)
March 1, 2020 – I got my second tattoo (Orion’s Belt)
If that’s all you came here to know, then read no further. For those that want a more elaborate (emo) explanation here ya go.
I realized even though I’ve had this blog for almost 4 years and have told countless stories of my family and my faith, as well as shown countless pictures of my tattoo on my left wrist, I’ve never actually written about it. Figured now that I have a second tattoo on my body, it might be time to share the story.
In high school—I don’t know when or what caused it—the thought of having tattoos one day started to trickle into my mind and I knew that I absolutely wanted a few. Now, trust me, if my mother is reading this (first of all, HI MOM, second of all) I know she’s probably not so amused with the fact that I was thinking about having tattoos on my body back in high school and that I also just said that I wanted a few. But that’s the truth of it. And I’ll just go ahead and preface this whole post by saying that I absolutely love and respect both my parents and I’m so fortunate to have parents that love and trust me right back:)
Anyway, so high school was when I started thinking maybe one day and I would pin posts on my Pinterest board of infinity sign and mini cross tattoos like every other teenage girl did (also, no offense if you’re reading this and you have these tattoos, like props to you, just pointing out that they were very common tattoo inspos found on my Pinterest page).
Then, October 21, 2015 came and my older brother passed away. Now, my first thought was not immediately to go get a tattoo that commemorated him. But throughout my healing process over the next several months, the idea crept into my mind. I thought, “I’ve always wanted to get a tattoo. I want to honor my brother and have something to remember him forever by. A tattoo is a pretty permanent way of carrying him with me throughout the rest of my life”. So I began brainstorming.
I feel like I’ve probably said it multiple times on here before, but my brother Thomas was an eccentric one, that’s for sure. He was all about being different, being authentic to himself, and sometimes that meant he was being weird. I used to be rather judgmental of people and, definitely, Thomas at times for their actions, often using, “That’s weird” as a derogatory, insulting statement towards someone. Thomas, on the other hand, challenged the idea of having some sort of definition of normal that would subsequently make something or someone be weird, different, and wrong from the norm. Instead, when I said, “That’s weird”, he would say, “Ok, then be weird!”.
Be weird. A beautiful sentiment to anyone and everyone who struggles with their identity to just embrace all that they are, love themselves, be authentic, and try to care a little less about others’ opinions. Thomas lived out this message. And as his sister, trying to emulate his energy and continue living and spreading this message is something I can do to honor him and help him live on a little longer on this earth. So I decided I wanted this tattooed on my body to have it as a constant reminder to myself and a visible message for others I encounter to see. I selected the left wrist as a perfect space for it because 1. it just felt right on the left (haha) and 2. it could be slightly hidden on the inner part of my wrist so it’s not the first obvious sight on me (as my parents reminded me, I still have jobs to worry about) but it’s also very easy for me to look at or show when I need the message.
Early in 2017, I began writing the words be weird on my wrist in sharpie every single morning as part of my morning routine to get used to the feeling of having something there on my skin. I developed the tattoo further by incorporating a semi colon (the symbol for mental health/suicide awareness) as the “i” in weird to further spread Thomas’ story of struggle with his mental health. Lastly, as the date of getting the tattoo approached, I decided to get the font of the tattoo in his handwriting which meant digging into his old papers and notebooks to piece together the letters of be weird and scan it to the tattoo artist.
Now, I waited until August because 1. I wanted to turn 18 in July first so that I was of a legal age to get it on my own (still asked my parents and told them about it all first because I’m trying to be an angel child) 2. I wanted to get it before October which would be the 1 year anniversary of his death and before leaving KC for college that fall (cheaper in KC btws) and 3. I brought up the idea of tattoos to my best friend Rylie that summer and she wanted to get one too so we went at a time together in August. We got them at Exile 2 in Kansas City (definitely recommend!) It took about a minute and a half for the tattoo artist to finish and I could feel every single letter be etched into my skin.
I absolutely love my tattoo and I love even more that it was my first one. I will never forget the feeling going into getting the tattoo and the satisfaction walking out of the shop with the new ink on my skin. I am honestly so proud to have the words on my wrist and it’s the most beautiful reminder of my brother. I love to talk about it when people ask because it feels good to be able to share Thomas with others in my life and keep him and his story living.
Now on to the second. Thanks for making it this far!
Tattoo fever is real. Someone told me after I got my first tattoo that you will get addicted and want more. (Again, if my mom is reading this, I’m sorry that I played into this stereotype and can say it’s actually kinda a real feeling but I LOVE YOU THANKS FOR STILL LOVING YOUR DAUGHTER WHO HAS TATTOOS!!!) <3
I think the first time I wanted to get another tattoo after getting be we;rd was at the end of freshman year of college (so within the first year of having my tattoo). But now, go back to the beginning of this post and look at the fact that I didn’t get my second tattoo until almost 3.5 years after the first. Like I said, I always thought I wanted a few but wasn’t sure what they would ever be. I’m very much for the idea that tattoos have to be meaningful, clearly thought out, and desired for a while. (Because they’re permanent so I want the tattoos to be things that will be permanents in my life).
Orion’s Belt is my second tattoo. Located on the side of my right wrist. 3 little stars in a straight line. Now for me, Orion’s Belt means a couple things. First and foremost, it means presence. It reminds me to stay present wherever I am in the world. Orion’s Belt (the actual constellation) started to become a symbol in my life during my freshman year of college.
I had a bit of a rough first semester in terms of learning to love my school and find my place and the people I wanted in it. The concept of home was something I was thinking a lot about. Over winter break between my first and second semesters, I traveled to quite a few places including KC, Colorado, LA, Miami, Dominican Republic, and Haiti all within the span of 3 weeks. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am soooo sooo blessed for the experiences and opportunities I’ve had to travel and see beyond where I grew up. And I’m so glad I love to travel! But with all that traveling, makes home feel different. HOME HOME is Overland Park (KC), Kansas. But I also find the meaning of home in St. Louis, MO where I was born, my dad grew up, and where I’ve spent a lot of time over my life visiting family. Being at LMU the past 4 years has made LMU and LA another home of mine. I’ve now even had the opportunity to study abroad and live in London for a semester of my life which forged a memory of home there. That winter break, because I had been struggling in LA with home, all I wanted to do was be HOME for 3 weeks. But, I traveled. On a ski trip to Colorado, on my IC trip to the Dominican Republic and Haiti (read about it here) which also took me back to LA and then Miami during that time. I loved all those experiences, don’t get me wrong. And I look back now and I think to myself what would I be if I didn’t go. But I literally cried to my parents and almost backed out of going on my IC trip because I didn’t want to go back to LA and leave KC and was sad that I already missed 5 days at HOME because my family went on a ski trip. I JUST WANTED HOME!!!!
I saw it first in Colorado. We were on our ski trip, in our cabin and I went outside to the balcony one night to feel the cold mountain air. The sky was really clear that night and I was able to catch a few star constellations. My knowledge from 8th grade science class helped me identify Orion’s Belt in the night sky. I thought that was cool. Then a few days later, we were back in KC and I looked up and spotted Orion’s Belt again. I headed to LA to meet my group for my IC trip and I found it in the sky. I went to Miami (and spent a night due to an unexpected layover) where I saw it again. Flew to DR/Haiti, same thing. Orion’s Belt followed me everywhere I went. It was connecting all the places I was going. Reminding me that no matter where I am in the world, I can be at peace. Also, showing me that I don’t need to always focus on the next place I’m going to but rather just appreciate where I am in the moment. Orion’s Belt means to be present. Whether I’m traveling on a European vacation, relaxing on the beach in LA, or going to my dentist in KC, I’m where I’m meant to be at that exact moment and I can make it be my home for the time being.
From that year onward, I always get excited to find Orion’s Belt in the night sky. Every time I see it, it compels me to stop for just a second, take a breath, and remind myself where I am, who I’m with, and how blessed I am to have the life I do. And so Orion’s Belt became a sense of home.
Now, back to this whole tattoo thing. I said I wanted to get another tattoo at the end of freshman year of college but by no means was it Orion’s Belt. It was actually going to be something along the lines of my parents and siblings sound waves saying “I love you”. I wanted a tattoo that would represent home and my family. Because again, at the end of the day, home is where the heart is. I definitely played around with drawing made-up sound waves on my right arm and at one point even told my sister I wanted to do it and would require her voice lol. But, I chickened out and never took the time to go further with the idea. I also knew it would take some real explaining to my parents and I just wasn’t ready for that.
So senior year, here we are. Quite honestly, I can’t pinpoint when it was that made me think I just need this tattoo. But ask my friend Lizzie, and she had heard me talk about Orion’s Belt for so long that she was finally telling me to just go get it. She got a second tattoo at the beginning of our senior year and that became more of a push for me to finally make it happen at some point. I still just wasn’t sure when. And I wasn’t sure how I would explain it to my parents. Now, let me also go back and tell you that at one point when I was abroad junior year, I considered spontaneously going to be a tattoo of the London Tube sign because my friend Sarah was doing it. I told my sister and word got back to my mother (of course) and she texted me something very lovely along the lines of saying there are better ways to represent being in London for a semester than a permanent tattoo but that she loves me despite thinking something so silly:p
After that reaction, with this idea of Orion’s Belt, I wasn’t sure how my parents would react. Orion’s Belt is definitely more sentimental than a London Tube sign so I was hoping it was just meaningful enough for my parents to be more ok with it. Come February 2020 and my mom was visiting me out in LA, I finally told her in the middle of our nice Italian dinner at a restaurant that I was wanting to get another tattoo. Bless her and her reaction to me. I’m telling you, I have the best parents! I explained Orion’s Belt to her and where I wanted it and that I was just gonna check out the shop I wanted to go get it at before scheduling anything. I told her, it’s so meaningful, you’re even apart of it!
Now, I said that Orion’s Belt represents a couple of things and here are the others. There are 3 stars in Orion’s Belt. One for Thomas, one for Allison, one for Jonathan. My three siblings. OR. One for me, one for Allison, one for Jonathan. I and my two younger siblings who are still living on this earth. OR. One for me, one for my mom, one for my dad. Me and my wonderful parents who raised me and gave me this beautiful life. The stars are my family. And family is home. And when I’m with my family, I try to be more in the present with them. I put the tattoo on the side of my right wrist because when you put your hand on your heart, it becomes a direct line to the heart. I told you, home is where the heart is. I also believe in the idea that stars are emblems of those who have gone before us. They give us light in the darkness just as I believe that guardian angels show us the way in our weakest moments. I have a guardian angel in my brother. So to me, “No, we’re never gonna die, we’ll be the stars”.
After telling my mom (who told my dad for me), and checking out the shop, I scheduled my tattoo for March 1 at 12:30pm at Generation8 here in LA. It took a bit longer than my first tattoo. It also cost way more (lol rip to LA prices), but it was still just as worth it as the first one.
Orion’s Belt is technically a winter constellation. It’s the most visible from November to February. That leaves about 7 months out of the year where it’s not around for me to look to the sky. But it’s ok, because now I have it permanently on me. So whenever I need a reminder of home, my family, and being present I can put my hand on my heart:)